I have magic lunch meat.

I was making a sandwich this morning, because I am currently in a "I should stop spending money on frivolities like edible food that leaves me feeling satiated and well fed and instead prepare my own food for less money" week. As opposed to a "Hey I'm tired of making and consuming mediocre food I feel that I deserve the added bonus of eating tasty tasty Pad Rama" week. Which is a cycle that seems to be based on a tech week, week after strike style of living. Or perhaps a Catholic guilt confession cycle. Anyhow there I was making a sad sad sandwich and I had my salami, my corned beef and my cheese and spicy brown mustard ready and raring to go. (The spicy brown mustard was obviously the most up and at 'em, while the corned beef was complaining about it's feet a lot.) I went to go get a ziploc bag (you really need the bags because otherwise the sandwich will feel neglected and it is liable to get up on its hind legs and begin yelling the gospel at innocent commuters and well frankly that's just embarrassing) and I turned around and the salami was gone! I assumed that I had simply placed something on top of it and forgotten about it, but as a I moved things around and looked on the floor I was unable to locate it. I checked the fridge assuming that I had simply forgotten to take it out and put it on the table. The salami was not in the fridge. I promptly gave up because I was running late figuring that the smell would eventually notify me of the salamis location when I returned at night. As I was putting my shoes on in the den I looked up to see this!I am hesitant to curse because my mother is the only other person besides Revolutions Per Minute who reads this blog, but....

HOW the FUCK did my salami get there?

It couldn't have fallen into that position.

I at no point put it on the chair.

The only explanation is that the salami is magic and should instead of being eaten have a shrine built to it by me, inside the fridge. My roomates can deal. I mean the salami's magic god knows what the consequences will be if I don't construct a shrine and instead choose to consume it.

P.S. I apparently after taking the picture forgot to put the salami back in the fridge and L found it later.

My Imaginary Internet Friends

I heard a This American Life in which David Rakoff mentions a statistic that says that people who watch a television show with a continuing storyline and characters who grow and develop, something like The Office, reap the same benefits from the television program that actually spending time with real live human beings gives them. Mr. Rakoff then mentions that he doesn't watch TV because unlike real people television can't look over at him and check whether or not he's died on the couch.

I listen to about 4-6 hours of podcasts every workday. I would argue that this behavior is much more damaging than watching an episode or two of The Office and becoming sort of involved in how Jim and Pam are doing. Podcasts are sneakier, because the production values tend towards the amateur. It is a lot like tapping the phone conversations of two people you happen to think are funny. Much like a phone conversation, you only remember the interesting things the other person said as material for good story fodder later. Unlike a phone conversation, they do not know you are there.

Podcasts that make me feel this way:
-Jordan Jesse Go
-You Look Nice Today
-Stephen Fry's Podgrams
-The Bitterest Pill

In some ways this is even more pathetic than WoW because in WoW I've heard that you make and play with friends who know that you are on the other side of the DancingOrcBearThing they are running around a giant fantasy land with. Instead, not knowing that you are sitting trapped in an office in Long Island City thinking to yourself, "Man, if these guys knew me they'd totally be friends with me." Although I have to say realistically probably the only people on these podcasts I'd want to be friends with would be Jordan Morris and Stephen Fry.


*Other podcasts I listen to that are quality, but not a two guys chatting show:
The Bugle - really funny news entertainment show
The Moth - live storytelling in NY
New Yorker: Fiction - someone reads a new yorker story outloud and then discusses it
The Sound of Young America - Jesse Thorn, an obnoxious host who eventually grows on you interviews really interesting people
This American Life - duh
Science Talk - the podcast of Scientific American
Downloadable Content: The Penny Arcade Podcast - this almost could have been a two guys chatting about video games bu they do actually make something by the end of it

This is a picture of the loud puppy outside the laundromat. It was meant to be a picture of the parking meter(because man-made things are easier to draw), which is why the dog's scale doesn't match.The background is totally cheating but whatever. He was very fierce even though everything around him was bigger than he was and he peed on a bunch of things just in case other dogs didn't know he was there for an hour, barking at everyone who passed by.

The Thrilling Adventures of Fred the Mouse

This is the story of how Fred the Mouse outsmarted an apartment of directionless twentysomethings.

Fred was making his usual 2 am run from beneath the fridge when he noticed that lights were on in the den.

Fred idly wondered if he had been spotted.

E: "I think we have a mouse."
Rocky: "I didn't see it. How do you know it's not a giant centipede?"
E: "He was like this big."

E spread her fingers to exactly mouse size

Rocky: "Okay we have a mouse, we should get a live trap."

Fred: Dammit! (which to the twentysomethings sounded like scurry scurry scurry SQUEAK!)

Later having adjusted his schedule to prevent further plotting in his presence Fred came upon a strange contraption.

Fred (laughing): That's the best they can do? Don't they realize I don't climb things?

Having successfully avoided the Rube Goldberg trap for a week Fred was feeling more relaxed. Until in his sleep during the day he overheard this tidbit. "Well I don't think he climbs, we better get a real live trap."

Fred, unfortunately does not speak English very well, he's originally an Albanian mouse. So Fred failed to understand the distinction between live trap and trap trap. He realized that the directionless twentysomethings were not going to stop attempting to capture him and decided that the only way to preserve his honor would be to die in the middle of the hallway. Not only did his death deny the twentysomethings a true victory over him, it also forced L to throw him out. It also forced Rocky upon hearing the tale of Fred's demise and burial from L to wonder if that thing she kicked in the hallway that morning was a dead mouse or something else. Even though there was nothing else in the hallway at the time. At all. But she would have noticed if she had kicked a dead mouse, right? I mean that's something you notice...