My kitchen smells like Failure.

I tried to make French Toast.
I ended up making toast with some eggs on top.

The steps for making French Toast as I recall them from when I was 8 years old:

Step 1: Take two eggs and mutilate them in a bowl

Step 2: Drown some bread in the bowl with the mutilated eggs (When I was little this was always white bread around my teen years it suddenly became whole wheat.)

Step 3: Stick squished toast in pan; heat.

Step 4: Pour syrup all over food, maybe get some butter, and voraciously consume.

End Result:


The step for making French Toast as I performed them this morning:

Step 1: Mix eggs to about the usual consistency I do for scrambled eggs. (i.e. not very mixed because I mean c'mon I'm just gonna scramble them in the pan, right?!)

Step 2: Put whole wheat bread in not-quite-totally-mixed eggs; attempt to cover entire slice; end up with goopy spillover from one side to the other on the toast.

Step 3: Drop in pan, watch as eggs slowly cook on top of bread. Begin to panic.

Step 4: Rapidly scrape eggy bits on sides of pan off. Remark to roommate that you seem to have managed to fuck up cooking French Toast, which you had not hitherto realized was possible. Listen to roommates suggestion to add milk in with the eggs next time to thin them up.

Step 5: Cover Toast in syrup.

Step 6: Find health insurance card just in case. Have 911 highlighted on phone's speed dial. Eat.

End Result:















P.S. Following syrup dousing french toast was totally edible.

I live here!

This is what happens when nerds get drunk

This is a result of a conversation at 3 am in which I attempted to recall some basic facts about computer science in order to explain them to EK's wasted molecular biology PHD holding brother.

LN's scene painter friend Mike also added his own contribution later.

Grammar

So I'm finding this blog thing to be a good way of organizing my thoughts, before I share them with others (read: co-workers) who have very little tolerance for picking apart an idea and grinding it into powder in an effort to understand it, and absolutely no tolerance for the weird left turns my brain tends to take. (Evidence: Whenever I talk about how awesome it's going to be when we all finally get brain internet, and people call in sick because they just caught the chicken dance virus, co-workers eyes glaze over and they respond to a question I haven't asked.) However, as I occasionally glance through back posts I'm wondering how large exactly my mother's level of disappointment at my atrocious grammar must be. Grammar, I might add, that I have no reason to improve, because I work in a visual medium and the longest written thing I send out into the world other than this blog are short e-mails to vendors about needing drawings. Still it perturbs me, because I can see the mistakes when I re-read blog posts, but simply do not care enough to fix them. My solution: I will, as Mark Twain once did, leave a large group of punctuation at the end of each post and allow you the reader to insert them as needed.*

..............................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,!!!!&&&((((((())))))))){{{{{}}}}}:::::;;;;;;;;;;

*Author's Note: I did not leave as many of certain symbols, if you need more use the keyboard shortcut Ctrl+C to copy a symbol and Ctrl+V to paste it.

Capsule Reviews of Media I've Interacted With Part 2

Laika - A graphic novel about the Russian space dog. Basically readable, it has a really great opening sequence with a man walking out of the gulag and turns a little mediocre from there. The art is very pretty and you find yourself caring about the characters even though they are somewhat thinly drawn. 3/5 Liked it.

WNYC's Radio Lab - A podcast that is basically This American Life, but with science. They pick one theme and discuss weird or interesting stories related to that theme for about an hour. But the theme is Memory and Perception or Zoos. It's really fascinating. However, listener beware the stories tend towards the bizarre and the fluffy rather than the in-depth and scientific. So only go if you want to hear some weird stuff about what can happen in human lives (or tiger lives). 5/5 Loved it.

Coyle and Sharpe: The Imposters - A podcast of recordings made on the streets of San Francisco in the early 1960's before people knew about prank humor as an entertainment medium. The tagline for the show is: "James P. Coyle and Mal Sharpe roam the streets looking for marks." What's really interesting about this is how many people believe them, and most people don't try to play along they explain why what sharpe and coyle are doing is insane, but they use 60's language to describe it. It's more fun than modern prank shows, I think because the prankee isn't really a victim in the modern sense of the word. It's obvious to the listener who's in control in the scene. 4/5 Really Like It.

Dexter - Thanks to Netflix Instant I just made it all the way through Season 1 of Dexter. I had been avoiding it because it had been so hyped and I thought it was just going to be CSI meets Batman. In actuality the show runs on the same mechanics Weeds does the characters keep getting tangled in these plotlines where you gotta know what Happens NEXT! But at the same time it's an interesting character study of how a sociopath passes for normal. And it is chock full of dramatic irony, the writers/directors by putting Dexter in a normal family environment manage to make you the viewer freak out and hold your breath while everyone on screen relaxes and has a good time. 4/5 Really Like It.

The Maria Bamford Show - This show which is available free online if you just click that link, starts off as just Maria doing her stand-up basically, but in the later episodes branches off into the totally bizarre. Maria plays every character using clever costume changes such as putting a chip clip in her hair and bugging out her eyes. My favorite episode is the second one I've embedded below where she forces her real mom to audition for the role of her mom on the show. (If you haven't seen her do her impression of her mother you should watch the first video first. If you have you can skip to the second one.) 5/5 Loved it.

The first episode:


Her mother's audition: